We see crazy stuff every day on TCF, and one could believe that we've seen it all. But every now and then, something still manages to make you shake your head.

This morning while watching Judge Boyd, we met Matthew. He was there for a probation revocation hearing on an underlying charge of burglary of a habitation. Now, probation revocations are usually pretty standard.

But Matthew's violation was a little different.

According to the state, Matthew got into a fight with his girlfriend. Instead of trying to cool off, he spiraled. He went to his apartment, doused himself in gasoline, and threatened to set himself on fire. That is literally the opposite of cooling off! Fortunately, law enforcement was able to talk him down.

When it came time for the defense to speak, Matthew's attorney leaned heavily into excuses. He talked about Matthew's struggles with depression, his tendency to get into bad relationships, and how he just needed a chance to "reboot." So basically, he was deflecting for his client, as I suppose he should.

It's the relationship's fault. It's the depression's fault. He just got mixed up with the wrong person.

But that wasn't gonna fly with Judge Boyd.

Her response? "You shouldn't be in a relationship with anybody until you work on yourself... Sometimes people will attempt to set themselves on fire for attention, like, 'Please don't leave me.' You had better start working on yourself internally... It appears that you just can't be in relationships and you're not mature enough to handle relationships."

She revoked his probation and sentenced him to three years in prison.

It's easy to feel bad for someone struggling. Depression is real, and mental health issues are serious. But at a certain point, we have to look in the mirror and take ownership our lives. Setting yourself on fire because a relationship goes south isn't just a cry for help. It's the abdication of personal responsibility. It's a tactic designed to force someone else to bear the weight of your emotional instability.

As I've pointed out so many times, we live in a culture that loves to hand out excuses. We are constantly told that our bad behavior is the result of external factors, such as our upbringing. And while those things do play a role in shaping who we are, they do not give us a free pass to hold the people around us hostage to our poor decisions.

Judge Boyd was right. If your life is a mess, the last thing you should be doing is dragging someone else into it. You have to put in the work of fixing yourself first. You have to build a foundation of maturity before you can expect to share your life.

Matthew's story is extreme, but the lesson applies to all of us. When things go wrong, our first instinct is usually to find someone or something to blame, because it's hard to look in the mirror. Stop complaining. Stop making excuses. Take a hard, honest look at your own actions, and start doing the heavy lifting required to change course.

Life isn't always fair, and relationships are tough. But setting the house on fire, literally or figuratively , is never the answer.

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