We all have a mechanism inside our minds designed to protect our ego. It works overtime when we mess up, searching the room for someone or something else to take the blame. On yesterday’s live show, we saw that protective mechanism in full swing in Judge O’Donnell’s courtroom in Lake County. A man named Dante stood before the court facing probation violations. He had tested positive for meth, and his explanation was a masterpiece of deflection. He claimed he bought a pre-rolled joint at a local liquor store and that the joint must have been spiked with meth without his knowledge.

Judge O’Donnell was not having any of it. He asked the obvious question about what kind of liquor store sells pre-rolled joints, let alone ones laced with meth. But the ridiculousness of the excuse was only the surface issue. The deeper problem, the one that Dante has been running from for almost thirty years, is a complete refusal to take personal responsibility for his actions.

Dante is forty-five years old and has a criminal record stretching back three decades. He has also endured heartbreaking tragedies. In 2022, he lost his daughter. That is a level of pain no parent should ever have to experience. But in the courtroom, Dante was using that tragedy as a shield. He insisted he did not need substance abuse treatment. He claimed he only needed grief counseling. He told the judge that his drug use was purely situational, an occasional slip up when the depression became too heavy to carry.

But the facts told a different story. The positive drug screens were consistent. The failure to report to his probation officer was a recurring pattern. Dante was pointing to the very real pain of his past to excuse the very real failures of his present.

We are all tempted to do this. When we fall short, we look for a reason outside of ourselves. We point to a bad boss, an unfair system, or a stressful week. We try to convince ourselves that our failures are the result of circumstances beyond our control. We tell ourselves that we are just victims of a spiked pre-roll from the liquor store of life.

The truth is much harder to swallow. The truth requires us to look in the mirror and acknowledge our own role in our struggles. Grief is valid, and depression is real. But neither of those things removes our agency. We still have to make choices, and we still have to do the hard work.

Judge O’Donnell tried to break through the wall of excuses. He told Dante that promising to do better was useless because Dante had been promising to do better for years without putting in the actual effort. The judge pointed out that Dante had been given numerous chances on community control and had repeatedly failed to take advantage of the resources offered to him. In the end, the judge revoked the probation and sentenced Dante to ten months in prison.

It is a tough outcome to watch. It is frustrating to see someone with potential continue to beat their head against the same brick wall. But it is also a powerful reminder for the rest of us. We cannot build a solid foundation on a bedrock of excuses. We must own our mistakes and stop waiting for someone else to fix our lives.

If you are struggling right now, stop looking for a scapegoat. Acknowledge the difficulty, but take ownership of your response to it. You are the only one who can carry the load and rebuild your life. Stop making excuses and start taking action.

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